he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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