Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
