Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
