Will you blow on my dice?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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