HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just sent this text using only my big toe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
