So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
