He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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