I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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