Nicole vs. Life
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
