Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
