it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
