he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize