If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
