i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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