it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize