3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
MIDGETS
????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
