4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
