Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
