I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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