Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
