He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
