youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize