I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
