Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
