Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
