On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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