return my video game
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
