that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
