I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
