everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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