2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
