Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
