hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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