Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
