Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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