And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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