Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
