how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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