u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
