so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
