I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
