My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize