When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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