nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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