6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
