I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
