wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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