Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
