Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
