Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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