drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
