Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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