So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
