Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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