I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize