The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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