david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
