Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
