Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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