you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
