I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
