She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
