So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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