life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
