how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
whose parrot is this?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
