youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
