that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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