the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
