so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
