If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
