i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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