Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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