i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
