Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
