Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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