I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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