Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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