I accidentally had phone sex last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
