I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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