So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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