thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
