he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
