eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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