just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
