"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Houston, we have a squirter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize