I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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