i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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