New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
