They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
