did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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