dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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