toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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