matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
