The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You work out of a Hotel?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
