We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
