be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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