I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
