i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need moral support for this bender
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
