Just fell off a train. Bad.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
