Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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