Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
