Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
