so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
4 words: hood of his car
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
