Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need water and some morals
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
