party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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