My liver just broke up with me...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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