If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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