mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
