im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize