sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
