his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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