i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
