dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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