Plan B is the new Plan A
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
