i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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