if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
