My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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