what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
