You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
