I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
