A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
